The User Guide and Manual to HAN SOLO
by Rebecca-the-Jynxer
Summary: Congratulations on your purchase of a HAN SOLO unit !


**The User's Guide And Manual For **

**Han Solo**

**Copyright**** Awesome Badass Pilots .inc**

**CONGRATULATIONS!**

You are now the proud owner of a HAN Unit! In order to obtain maximum enjoyment from your hot-ace pilot, we advise you to follow the instructions below

_**Technical Specifications**_

Name: Han Solo

_**Note :**_ He may ask you to call him Solo, Captain of the Millennium Falcon or just Captain Solo, in both cases just ignore your unit's whine

Type : Corellian male

Resident of : Tatooine, Mos Eisley

Height : 1.85 meters

Weight : 100 kilograms (including ego and swagger)

Manufacturers : Adopt an orphan Corellian boy .ltd

_**Accessories**_

1 trusty blaster with setting to shot first

1 cotton shirt

1 cotton vest

1 pair of wool trousers

1 pair of black leather boots

1 brown leather holster

1 comb and 1 brush to maintain the shaggy hairlook

You will have to buy the Millennium Falcon unit separately along with the rest of the mentioned units

_**Operating Instructions**_

Your HAN SOLO Unit, has been programmed to be an excellent pilot, shooter, womaniser and a really bad smugger on who's tail is a green rodian bounty hunter. When your unit gets shipped to you it will be its first time coming across human so please be kind until the unit gets used to you and begins talking to you in a confident to swaggering way. The first time it will need food you will have to feed it all action after the first time are registered at the unit's hard drive and he will be afterwards be feeding itself.

_**Note : **_The unit does not have a tail

Pilot

Do you need to fly to Alderaan to give the Death Star plans to the Organas ? Then the HAN SOLO unit is the one you need, it can fly relatively smoothly and tell the difference between a space station ( SEE DEATH STAR) and a moon. However, he will be slow to do the calculation of the jump to hyperspace due to the Millennium Falcon unit being relatively old and so are its systems. The HAN SOLO unit may tell you that "travellingthrough hyperspace ain't like dusting crops_" _in an attempt to insult you for being a moisture farmer from Tatooine

_**Note :**_ In that case please purchase a LUKE SKYWALKER unit

Shooter

As seen earlier a green rodian GREEDO unit will be threatening to terminate your HAN SOLO unit for a bounty given by a JABBA THE HUTT unit, who happens to be the employer of your HAN SOLO unit. In that case your HAN SOLO unit will simply shoot first and walk away.

_**Note:**_ If he is threatened by an actual threat e.g murderer please give your HAN SOLO unit a bulletproof vest (not included)

Womaniser

Do you find pilots attractive...but can't get your hands on him ? Worry no more lass, the HAN SOLO unit is here to answer your call of love and reply to it. The HAN SOLO unit will hug you, kiss you, hold your hands and cuddle you. Afterwards it will abandon you for a LEIA ORGANA unit (not included)

_**Note : **_Any other sort of body action will most likely get your HAN SOLO unit short-circuited (due to fluids) and it also may cause intense film, reality, time and space paradoxes.

Smugger

Are you short on money ? Your HAN SOLO unit can solve that by smuggling drugs (for this operating mode a JABBA THE HUTT unit is required) However, your HAN SOLO unit is really scared of law enforcement and it is most likely that it will dump the content (drugs) into space causing a green, Rodian GREEDO unit to attempt to shoot at your unit. However, the GREEDO unit will fail as your HAN SOLO unit will switch to shooter mode

_**Cleaning**_

Your HAN SOLO unit is designed to be efficient on its own, the only thing you will have to do is to bath him and wash his hair and teeth one time, afterwards the actions you did will be registered into the unit's hard drive and it will be repeating it by itself when it feels the need. (need-feeling and hair brushing is already programmed and installed into every HAN SOLO unit) It is advised that you watch your HAN SOLO unit bath as it will boost its confidence and womanising skills. Your HAN SOLO unit never cries trying to look extra tough you will have to use artificial tears to cleanse its eyes, which you will have to use once a month. If you cannot purchase artificial tears use baby tears (from real babies) so that your HAN SOLO mode will look even tougher.

_**Note : **_If you notice an antenna rising from the lower middle part of your HAN SOLO unit it is highly suggested that you leave due to hazardous consequences (SEE WOMANISER PARAGRAPH NOTES)

_**Frequently Asked Questions**_

Q : Why is my HAN SOLO unit really annoyed ?

A : Because the LUKE SKYWALKER unit is either kissing the LEIA ORGANA unit or it is praised by someone. In both cases purchase an ANAKIN SKYWALKER unit and switch it in Order 66 mode to terminate your LUKE SKYWALKER unit. After that praise and/or kiss your HAN SOLO unit.

Q : Why is my HAN SOLO unit hanging out with a really big furball ?

A : The furball is a CHEWBACCA unit and its vital for the good mood of your HAN SOLO unit and your life not being discontinued by the HAN SOLO unit in shooter mode in outraged settings. Spray the CHEWBACCA unit with pesticide once a month to avoid your HAN SOLO unit being infected by either fleas or lice.

Q : Why us my HAN SOLO unit screaming "YAHOOOOOOO" ?

A : It is happy to help the LUKE SKYWALKER unit to destroy the DEATH STAR unit

Q : My HAN SOLO unit is injured what happened ?

A : It was trying to terminate the OBI-WAN KENOBI unit due to the latter's smartassness. Purchase or bring back from the dead a QUI-GON JINN unit, apply a sith lord chip to it and let it terminate the OBI-WAN KENOBI unit. Alternatively use a DARTH VADER unit so that the OBI-WAN KENOBI unit will stand defenceless and get terminated by the top-of-the-line cyborg, saying that if the DARTH VADER unit strike it down it will return stronger.

Note : Don't worry the OBI-WAN KENOBI unit lied it will be much powerless and it will only be repeating the following phrase "Use the Force, Luke"

Q : My HAN SOLO unit shot the DARTH VADER unit first, but the DARTH VADER unit isn't getting terminated instead deflects the shots and/or tries to kill me why is that happening ?

A : The DARTH VADER unit deflects the shots because it is using the Force. It is trying to kill you because you are on the HAN SOLO unit's side. To terminate or avoid the side effects of the actions of the DARTH VADER unit purchase a GALEN "STARKILLER" MAREK CLONE unit and a RAHM KOTA unit to defeat the DARTH VADER unit and capture it

_**Troubleshooting**_

My HAN SOLO unit isn't womanising

Then it must have found the love of its life also known as, LEIA ORGANA unit

My HAN SOLO unit is hanging out with my QUI-GON JINN unit, has white hair, rarely sports a beard, wears Soviet Captain uniform and says that its submarine is contaminated by radioactivity

We must have accidentally shipped you an ALEXEI VOSTRIKOV unit, you are more than welcome to get full refund and/or exchange your ALEXEI VOSTRIKOV with a HAN SOLO unit. If your QUI-GON JINN unit isn't sporting it usual beard and long hair it's likely to have also been mistaken with a MIKHAIL "MISHA" POLENIN unit in that case the same applies.

My HAN SOLO unit is weeping and crying

Either the CHEWBACCA unit was terminated or the LEIA ORGANA unit is a.) into incest and now is in love with her brother, LUKE SKYWALKER unit or b.) is dead. If either CHEWBACCA or LEIA ORGANA units are terminated its advised that you purchase new ones for the well-being of your HAN SOLO unit

My HAN SOLO unit is wearing a leather jacket, holds a gun, wears a fedora even in its sleep

Your HAN SOLO unit must have been mistaken for an INDIANA JONES unit we will fully refund you and deliver you the unit you originally ordered

_**Final note**_

We at Awesome Badass Pilots .inc are not responsible for any deaths your HAN SOLO unit caused. We hope you enjoy using your HAN SOLO unit and that you treat it nicely so that it will live up to its full lifespan.


End file.
